yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
