She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
