ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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