as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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