Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
