my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
are you so shy because you have an std?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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