I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
