at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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