put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I need to stop coming to work sober
this just has baby written all over it
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
