Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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