he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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