Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
