I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
