When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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