areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
