I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
