I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
