From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
