Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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