I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
