If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
