who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
