I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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