True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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