You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
