im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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