Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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