Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I want to have your abortion
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
