if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize