no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
