And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just gargled with NyQuil
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
