I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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