I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
