Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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