I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
