i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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