Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
