what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
