So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
