The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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