Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
