I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
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