I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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