Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
