Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
40s are totally the cure
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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