Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
