If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
