she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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