you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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