It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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