Plan B is the new Plan A
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I want a musical about memes.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize