Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Randomize
