we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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