I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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