Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
