just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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