Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
