It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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