True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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