I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Randomize
