I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
The power of my boobs compel you
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
