I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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