The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
