Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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