His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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