I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize