You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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