I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
