youre lurking in front of me
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
