yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
