I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
