the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
