remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
