thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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