It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize