Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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