Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
