Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
