you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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