Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
