this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
