your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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