So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
