come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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