brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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