i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you have to choose: penises or morals?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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