and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
