At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
