In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
