I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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