Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
