Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
