I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
