Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize