I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
