my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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