we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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