I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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