Can Purell be used as lube?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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